It’s 2AM and I Can Not Sleep
Yesterday, I saw a viral tweet (I think most of us have seen it at one point) which sparked a talk about body shaming culture, especially in Indonesia. As someone who has been struggling with body image for a very long time, this discussion threw me off for the rest of the day. When I was a kid, I remember a lot of people randomly came up to me and pointed out my acne, weight, my teeth, and overall appearance.
I remember asking myself, ‘why do people hate me so much?’ It made me think the worst of myself and I became angry at the world. In fact, watching my reflection in the mirror was a struggle. Taking photo of myself is embarrassing. Throughout my teenage years and early adult years, I avoid skincare and properly fitted clothing because I did not think I deserve anything beautiful. I did not deserve to be better because I made reckless decisions and hurt people that i care about. I have spent more than 10 years hating myself. How can I grow if the only thing people notice was my flaw? During College, my mom take me to theraphy.
On the second session, my therapist asked “Why do you hate yourself so much?” I broke down in tears. The process of loving myself is a long and painful ongoing process but its going! There are of course bad days, but there are also good days. But I am so glad to be surrounded by people with progressive mindset. It made me realize that we are more than what other people think of us. The people who matters, will only want the best for us. From this, I learnt that honesty without tact is cruel. It is not cool to be cruel just for the sake of being cool.
Everyone deserve their story. Everyone deserve to be their best version of themselves without being belittled or put down in the process. Simple act of going to the gym, brushing your hair or looking at the mirror can be a deeply personal fight. It take two seconds to off handedly make a comment about people appearance but it can take years for that someone to recover from that comment. I pick this picture because i think this is the moment I start to realize that everyone deserve their own happiness, including me.
